So CARROT is essentially the GLaDOS of to-do lists.  I decided to download both the to-do list and their new CARROT Fit, a very snarky fitness app along the same vein.  I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about the app.

It begins by asking you to enter your weight.  It first guesses you at 600+ pounds.  Har har.  You enter your actual weight and her response is “LOL”.  For some reason, the male avatar options are Male, Gentleman and Brony while the female or other avatar options include Female, Sheep and Brick Wall.  CARROT mocks you if you choose anything other than generic Male or Female–the Brony is an instant Game Over.  Both the Male and Female avatars are very fat.  They pant and sweat a lot.

CARROT tells you if you use the module to lose weight, she’ll be pleased.  But if you “blimp up”, she’ll be upset.  Okay, CARROT, let’s do this.

I went into the profile, and the Profile Bot asked me to enter my name.  He then informed me that it was a silly name, and asked if I’d rather CARROT call me Derpy McChub.  No thanks.  It doesn’t let you set a weight goal until you reach Level 5.  I’m going to guess it will use your progress at that point to determine how long your goal will take.  Fair enough.

So I proceeded to the 7 Minutes in Hell portion of the app– the actual workout. Each exercise has a cute proprietary name, such as The Iron Throne, a wall squat (in which she instructs you to make a smug face like Jeoffrey.  Ha). You’re instructed to hold for a certain amount of time and to repeat within a 30-second window, followed by 10 seconds of cool down before the next exercise.

CARROT chatters at you while you exercise, and she honestly made me laugh out loud.  (Spoiler: she initially says you’ll be Twerking for the next exercise, but then–oh, there’s a mouse, do the step ups on the chair instead!  The mouse has rabies, step up faster!) She did call me Chubby Human a time or two and made comments that insinuated that I was probably tired or feeling like an old man in the Can’t Get Ups (sit ups that reference the Help I’ve Fallen commercials). I cracked a solid sweat.  I didn’t feel like there were as many direct “fat = bad” messages during the workout.

The exercises would likely be too difficult for some. I altered a few a tiny bit to suit my ability. For folks with joint elbow, wrist and knee troubles, this may be a no-go. It requires squats, wall squats, push-ups and step-ups, among others.  For people who are generally pretty fit, these bodyweight/calisthenic exercises probably aren’t going to be a huge challenge.  This is more a “Couch to 5K” type of app–it’s intended for people looking for a starting point for everyday exercising.  Seven minutes isn’t a huge time commitment and these exercises can be done nearly anywhere–CARROT suggests you have handy a wall, a chair and a bucket to puke in, should you need it.

So brass tacks: would I recommend this app? If you are triggered by negative body talk or easily deflated by negative reinforcement, this app is not for you. The avatars are definitely offensive. This app tracks and charts your weight, requiring weigh-ins.

Tentatively, I’ll say I like it for myself. I will continue to review it as I use it.  For me, the negative reinforcement isn’t strong enough to really make me feel defeated–and I am definitely a positive reinforcement kinda gal.  I kind of love to hate CARROT.

What are your thoughts?