Not All Men

Guys.  I don’t understand why you’re not mad.

I don’t understand why, when presented with these stories, you don’t get pissing, spitting mad.  Why you don’t huff and scream and shout and stomp and shake your fists.

I don’t understand why you’re not mad that you’ve been lied to.  I don’t understand why you’re not mad that you’ve been manipulated.  All your life, you’ve been told that you’re nothing if you’re not in control.  You’ve been told that you’re nothing without a woman underneath you.  You’ve been told that it’s better to hit than be hit.  You’ve been told that women are the enemy–that they’re out to get you, that they’re out to get your money, that they’re out to get a life where they lie on their backs and let you take care of them, that they’re just ripe for the fucking, that they’re a thing to get, that they’re irrational, that they’re crazy, that they need you to tell them what they want, that you should just take it, that they belong to you, that they’re there for you to use, that they’re yours.

But of course you don’t believe that.  You’re not like That.

But you’ve heard it, right?  From somewhere, from someone.  Whispered in a movie, handed down from Ol’ Dad, repeated by the villain in a video game cut scene, laughed at by your friends, part of the chorus of a song.

It’s all fun and games.  It’s entertainment only.  But you’ve heard it, right?

I don’t know why it doesn’t make you mad that because some guy was a virgin, that he killed six people.  Because if it were you, you know you’d be getting shit from your friends, from movies, from TV, from magazines, from video games.  Because virgin men are the punch line.  Because men are nothing without a woman underneath them.  Because you deserve a relationship because my God anyone can get one why not you?  Because those bitches are hanging all over some dudebro and you know you’re a better man.  You’re a nice guy.

Why aren’t you mad?  Because you don’t believe it?  But you’ve heard it, right?

I don’t know why you can look over the #yesallwomen tag and laugh.  Maybe it seems really far-fetched that this many women–irrational, untrustworthy, manipulative–women have experienced this.  Maybe it seems ridiculous that women have filled their minds with such paranoia–you’re careful in parking garages and alleyways, too, after all.  Maybe it’s just funny to you because most of these women kinda deserved it.  (You don’t believe that.  But you’ve heard it, right?)

I don’t know why you’re not mad that you can’t look at a woman wearing shorts and not think of sex–slut, hooker, whore, bitch, she deserves to get raped.  I don’t know why you’re not mad that you hear about a woman accusing an NBA player of rape–lying, gold digger, attention-seeking whore–and can’t believe for a second that maybe she’s telling the truth.  I don’t know why you’re not mad that 1 in 6 women will be the victim of sexual assault–probably over-inflated, what even counts as “sexual assault”, what a bullshit statistic, not real.  (You don’t really think those things–or at least you don’t say that out loud too often in mixed company, except maybe while playing a video game or joking around with friends or whatever.  But you’ve heard it, right?)

But you are mad, aren’t you?  Mad that–hey, that’s not ME.  That’s not what I think!  I’ve never hit any women or raped anybody.  I would never.  And congratulations on being a decent human being, but why aren’t you mad that you’ve thought about it?  Why aren’t you mad that you’ve laughed about it, that you’ve watched movies about it without blinking, that you’ve read this whole rant shaking your head and foaming at the mouth that this isn’t fair this doesn’t apply to me this is just misandry you hate men you lesbian, bitch, whore, slut, cockholster, shut up, listen to my feelings–why aren’t you mad that you can’t listen to someone else’s feelings without needing to interject your own, without needing to absolve yourself, without stopping everything to stay on top, without snarling, without laughing about it?  Why aren’t you mad that your need to maintain your masculine identity is so ingrained that you absolutely can’t believe a woman’s word on the matter of whether all women feel continually threatened by men?  Why aren’t you mad that these are supposed to be the thoughts of a madman but they’re things you’ve been hearing all of your life?

Why aren’t you mad about this?

2 thoughts on “Not All Men

  1. “But you are mad, aren’t you? Mad that–hey, that’s not ME. That’s not what I think! I’ve never hit any women or raped anybody. I would never.”

    And their anger isn’t directed at the men who do these things, or at the society that promotes these ideas as inherent to masculinity, but at the women who dare to have this conversation without surrounding their words with endless disclaimers to let men like *them* who Aren’t Like That off the hook.

    • Everyone is culpable in perpetuating sexism. #YesAllMen #YesAllWomen to some degree. I don’t understand why men are SO AFRAID of being accidentally lumped in with All Other Men. Guys, do you acknowledge that All Other Men are really that awful, or are you just afraid of admitting that–like everyone else in the entire world–you’ve accidentally hurt other people? Just curious.

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