Dootsie

I’ve always avoided in-person therapy.

When I speak to anyone who I genuinely accept as an expert or someone “important”, my eyes water. If I start talking about anything I’ve got any emotion tied up in whatsoever, you bet your ass I’m gonna cry. And not adorable little sniffles of sadness. No no. It’s full-on ugly bawling, with snot and sobs and stuff. I become incapable of speech, incapable of thought. I am just cry.

What I’m saying is, I’m not so good at talking about my feelings.

I’ve always wished there was another way, a way more suited to my way of communicating. So when I learned about online, text-only therapy, I was intrigued.

I went with BetterHelp.com, which was offering a free introductory week. It charges $45/week (billed monthly) but you can cancel anytime. When you sign up, they ask you some questions about your situation, your needs and your preferences. Everything can be as anonymous as you want, though they do obviously have your credit card on file and they ask for an emergency contact. It doesn’t bill itself as a replacement for in-person therapy and it’s definitely not right for every situation, but I think it’s a great lean-to in the therapy world.

The “sessions” are conducted through a basic long-form message thread. You and your counselor have access to it 24/7. You also apparently get one free 15-minute phone call per month, with the option to buy more, but I’m not super interested. I get an email notification when he’s sent a message, so I can log in to check and either respond immediately or think on it and come back later. It’s a nice, delineated back and forth, which is ideal for me.

I was matched with a counselor who specializes in working with young adults with anxiety (check) and careers issues (uh-huh), among other issues. Cool! So far, he’s been asking for clarification and fine-tuning our focus, which is good. He’s also been bringing quotes and videos that he wants me to think about and see whether I relate (so far, uh-yup).

I haven’t had any major breakthroughs or anything, but it’s already promising enough that I’m prematurely calling “worth it!” I don’t see this as a permanent part of my life–and TBH, I can’t prioritize that cost in my budget long term–but I’ll definitely be sticking with it for a while.